she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
