I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
