Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i think i have herpe
just one?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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