I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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