so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
