how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
