Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
