That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
