Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
