It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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