I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
