Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
