we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
