I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
