The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
