Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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