I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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