He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
