Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
