i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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