I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
