I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Still dying that you shit outside
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I enjoy the company of your penis
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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