Where did you get a picture of my penis
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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