Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
