just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I did not marry a roomba.
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