I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
