Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
