I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
