Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
