Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
