JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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