If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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