I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
