I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
