sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
