so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
