I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
