shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My penis needs a shock collar
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
