im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
