you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
