We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
