Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
