The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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