I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
