Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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