I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
