Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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