Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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