oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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