i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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