apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
