Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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