Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
