i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
